Mickey Z

Cool Observer

Friday, January 20, 2006

To be or not to be (plus: William Blum's 15 minutes)

Posted by Mickey Z on 01/20 at 06:43 AM

wow. good topic.

need to think about the suicide note for a bit but i know of this one…

“all this buttoning and unbuttoning” which was an 18th century suicide note

and this was on a headstone…

“Here lies a poor woman who was always tired
For she lived in a place where help wasn’t hired
Her last words on earth were,’dear friends, I am going
Where washing ain’t done, nor sweeping, nor sewing
And everything there is exact to my wishes
For they don’t eat and there’s no washing of dishes
Don’t mourn for me now, Don’t mourn for me never
For i’m going to do nothing for ever and ever”

I got a stay of execution on being kicked out the house (the landlord didn’t turn up!)

One other thing. i just figured out why americans don’t like football (soccer). I just watched one of your major league soccer matches and they were absolutely rubbish. the best players were the ones who didn’t make it in europe or were about 37 and couldn’t play in europe anymore. this is the same syndrome as NFL europe.

So in all probability the fact that most americans have never seen a decent game contributes to why it isn’t liked there.

On my stereo -CHopin, if you haven’t, do it.

Posted by michael on from scotland 01/20 at 07:07 AM

Great news, Michael: “I got a stay of execution on being kicked out the house.” Good luck.

Also, good theory, re: soccer (football). Speaking only for myself, I wouldn’t know the difference between quality and rubbish in that sport.

Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 01/20 at 07:10 AM

mine would say “i tried”

This may be mean but it might be interesting to write a sort of “ode to people who don’t seem to care how they affect the world or make others feel”:

“For all those who ignore pain when it’s staring you in the face, maybe you should think again...your turn is right around the corner..and since i’m usually polite, I would say
“bye”.

wow...i didn’t know I had that in me.

Also,I just wanted to say something regarding Bill Blum. He is a very smart, very sweet man that Mickey and I met in person in Santa Cruz a few years ago. Good job with your answers last night, Bill!

oh yeah and “congress” sucks!

Posted by michele on from kitchen table 01/20 at 07:35 AM

Good morning MZ, Michele & michael -

Man, I just wanted to say that Bill Blum’s no holds barred approch in that interview was excellent. Didn’t see it (cuz I don’t have cable), but just read the transcript online cnn.com.

Anyway, he manages to cut to the chase and get the major points across. And it’s great to see him get the publicity (however brief)...

Weather right now in the Buyou City: 66 F (18 C) and mostly cloudy

Signing off for now.

Posted by RT on from The Buyou City 01/20 at 08:39 AM

Thanks for the idea, RT. Here’s the transcript (below) and I’ll add a link to the original post:

BLITZER: There’s a curious by-product of Osama bin Laden’s message. According to Al-Jazeera, the transcript that was posted today of the bin Laden audiotape, the al Qaeda chief recommends a book by an American anti-war activist which is stridently critical of U.S. policy over the past half century. Just a little while ago, I spoke with the author of “Rogue State,” William Blum—his reaction of getting a plug from the leader of al Qaeda. How does it feel to be cited by Osama bin Laden?

WILLIAM BLUM, AUTHOR, “ROGUE STATE”: Well, I’m glad to have the publicity for my book, frankly. But the fact that he and I share a certain intense dislike of various aspects of U.S. foreign policy, and the facts that we share a certain liking for a book of mine doesn’t mean that I share his views otherwise. I’m glad that he cites the book, because the book’s premise is that the U.S. foreign policy is the as you of anti-American terrorism.

BLITZER: So you blame the United States government more than you blame Osama bin Laden, is that what you’re saying?

BLUM: Yes.

BLITZER: Because that shocks—that will shock a lot of Americans.

BLUM: Well, it will—many Americans who will not be shocked.

BLITZER: I mean, what possibly could have justified the attack on the World Trade Center?

BLUM: Well, you can’t just name one specific action. I deal with all—with a whole bunch of American actions and the actions of various Muslims over the years in retaliation. It’s a long history. It’s not just one event of one day.

And I show, in very clear terms, that U.S. foreign policy has—for decades, has been carrying out very harmful attacks on not only Muslim countries, but all over the world. And it’s not surprising that some of these countries would want to retaliate. You know, it’s very simple, human example of revenge.

BLITZER: But I just want to be clear, you don’t condone the attack on the World Trade Center?

BLUM: No, I think it was horrible. I was very upset by that, and I still am.

BLITZER: Because the people—the 3,000 people who died had no—had no—had nothing to do with any foreign policy.

BLUM: Right. And it’s the same with the thousands of people that we have killed in Afghanistan and Iraq. They are not to blame for U.S. foreign policy. You know, those are what we call collateral damage.

But it must be seen in terms of tit for tat. It’s retaliation. It’s not just a bunch of crazy people doing something for no reason imaginable. They have good reason for being very angry with U.S. foreign policy.

BLITZER: And that’s the basis of this book, “Rogue State,” and why Osama bin Laden is putting it today on his highly-recommended list.

BLUM: I would assume so, yes.

BLITZER: We’re going to leave it right there. Mr. Blum, thanks very much for joining us.

BLUM: Thank you.

Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 01/20 at 08:45 AM

Good morning Michael, RT, Mickey, and Michele
Just checked my e-mail from Bill Blum. He was also on Scarborough and Good morning America. I missed it because did not know about it. Sent back a message to him so that he will give us a heads up next time. He says he will be on Al Jazeera. He also made it into my little local newspaper. If he can make it there, he’ll make it anywhere.
Hummm, a suicide note. The way things are going I might be needing one any day now. I will see what I can come up with.
My captcha word is “dead”.

Posted by RMJ on from Churchill 4 Prez Hdqts 01/20 at 09:04 AM

Forbes promotes Mickey Z. and Osama bin Laden recommends Bill Blum to the American people. Someone take the temperature in hell.

I LOVE the way Blum was unapologetic for his book. He was perfect. And it was a horrendous, horrendous interview. Wolf Blitzer is an f-ing moron.

Blitzer says “So you blame the United States government more than you blame Osama bin Laden, is that what you’re saying?” and anybody else would have said “no, it’s not like that. I, uh, I just think that, um...you know, it’s not so simple--I think, uh...” etc etc etc. Why even bother dignifying an inane question like that with a response?

But Blum said “Yes.”

Bam!

Posted by Keir on from The Hague 01/20 at 09:27 AM

Been thinking of buying Rogue State after work today, maybe at Coliseum-- do you recommend that one over Killing Hope? Do you think the Osama mention will actually increase sales for him a lot, or just demonize him here?

Posted by James on from Hell's Kitchen 01/20 at 09:37 AM

On suicide, I must once again strongly recommend The Rebel by Camus. I know this may be tiresome that I keep returning to ol’ Albert, but that book was a powerful tool for me at a time of despair some years ago (September 2001 more precisely).

He notes: “The final conclusion of the absurdist process is, in fact, the rejection of suicide and persistence in that hopeless encounter between human questioning and the silence of the universe...To say that life is absurd, one must be alive...murder and suicde are the same thing; one must accept them both or reject them both.”

I’m not big on suicide notes (or epitaphs, though I can--and have--done a pretty good eulogy), but this is nice (courtesy of Camus again): “Better to die on one’s feet than to live on one’s knees.”

Posted by Keir on from The Hague 01/20 at 09:40 AM

Just caught yesterday’s post...thanks to everyone! I don’t have regular access to the Internet right now, but I plan on coming back to blogging soon. Thanks again!

Posted by JOS on from Oak Park, IL 01/20 at 09:41 AM

My suicide would say “#### it.” Or, if I managed to weasel my way past security & jumped off the House of Commons at kicking out time, maybe it should say “hope I landed on someone who deserved it.”

Your words on writers struggling (great novel extract, btw) reminded me of Saul Bellow’s words: “America is proud of the way it breaks its poets.”

William Blum is most definitely on my “to read & speedily” list, but I have a lot to read & have spent rather lot on books the past few weeks, so I think I’ll be a bit slow on this one. I have the MZ interview link loading up & will read that now.

Have been off work with a virus so have been checking things out for a while & then blearily toddling off for a sleep. The links here are too tempting & the info too precious to ignore, though.

Blitzer - never heard of him before - sounds like what people at my school would have called “a complete spanner.”

Michael, delighted your landlord was interrupted in his nefarious mission. Well done mate!

Can I remind people about yesterday’s absolutely superb cartoon re Leo Blair. It rocks & has a mesmerising quality to it.

Posted by Chris Wood on from Manchester, England 01/20 at 09:42 AM

RMJ: Please stay with us (because “you’re either with us or against us")

James: I personally recommend Killing Hope; it’s an encyclopedic work. But as far as the effect of the publicity, I think it will be a good deal of both, especially if the issue stays in the limelight.

Posted by RT on from The Buyou City 01/20 at 09:48 AM

Greatly enjoyed the Blum interview, MZ. He sounds like an excellent bloke. I especially liked his advice for other people. Catpcha says “methods.”

Posted by Chris Wood on from Manchester, England 01/20 at 09:54 AM

Re suicide - can I pass on P J O’Rourke’s advice:

“Don’t try an overdose. You may take the wrong amount of drugs & just have a good time.”

Posted by Chris Wood on from Manchester, England 01/20 at 10:06 AM

>“Better to die on one’s feet than to live on one’s knees.”

I can’t resist:
(Old Man)"I’m afraid you have it backward. It is better to live on one’s feet than die on ones knees. That is how the saying goes.”
“Are you sure?” Nately asked with sober confusion. “It seems to make more sense my way.”
“No, it makes more sense my way. Ask your friends.”

Posted by Mew on from England 01/20 at 10:39 AM

For folks like me who’ve never read Blum, here’s a link to sp,e articles of his:

http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/Blum/William_Blum.html

Really sorry not to use TinyURL, but it doesn’t seem to be working at present. It’s a good link, though, & I hope a decent starting point.

Posted by Chris Wood on from Manchester, England 01/20 at 10:40 AM

JOS, Keir, Chris, Mew, RT and all ...you have put a smile on my face today. I too, am thrilled that Blum did not give in. The pressure was on him. Can you imagine being in that position...not knowing how the country would react. Not knowing what price he would have to pay for his wisdom and honesty. I was holding my breath during the whole interview. THANKS BILL, you came through for all of us. One of the news speakers last night referred to Blum as, “some obscure author”. If I was sure who it was I would contact him but I was surfing the tv at the time so I am not sure. To refer to the greatest living historian as “obscure” shows exactly how misinformed they are. Yes, Chris, THIRD WORLD TRAVELER has a lot of good stuff on it. For those who can’t get the books right away, please go to Chris’ link.
I like Blum’s clarity. Also, he is known for how well he references everything he writes. Now we know for sure, Osama’s choice in reading material is superior to that of the members of the Press. Blum is a former member of the US State Dept. He is the ultimate “whistle blower”. Too bad the Media doesn’t have a clue.

Posted by RMJ on from Churchill 4 Prez Hdqts 01/20 at 11:02 AM

Hello All. My mind is spinning between suicide talk and Blum finally getting the sptlight he deserves. Big MSNBC show on him planned tonight at 8:00.

Michael, I deleted your attempt to post something, okay? Figured it would unclutter the thread.

Chris, if TinyURL doesn’t work, try: http://urlsnip.com. And, Chris: I do plan to post some Seven Deadly Spins stuff on Sunday. I wonder if Osama’s read that one.

James: I agree with RT. Killing Hope is the sourcebook but Rogue State is more consise and (I think) more recently updated.

Great to see you, JOS.

Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 01/20 at 11:14 AM

Btw, the “last” time I looked, Blum’s book was #86 at Amazon: http://urlsnip.com/721865

Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 01/20 at 11:16 AM

of course mickey, it was even more gibberish than i usually post

Posted by michael on from scotland 01/20 at 11:17 AM

MZ re 18 - good work, fella! This is the time we really need to hear these techniques & how they apply to today.

As it’s now T minus whatever for the next war, the relevance is now.

Posted by Chris Wood on from Manchester, England 01/20 at 11:19 AM

Mick, thanks for the update about MSNBC tonight. I have been writing to the media and requesting Blum. Don’t know if it will do any good. How about sending 7 Deadly Spins to Al Jazeera? Maybe we are on a roll to get a lot of the important books out there.

Posted by RMJ on from Churchill 4 Prez Hdqts 01/20 at 11:20 AM

Michael, you know you’re free to post anything you want here. I just thought the HTML code looked unsightly.

RMJ: I’d love to have my books get attention, too...but for now, I’m happy to see Bill get some notice after so many years of hard work. If anyone wants to get info for where I can send books, I’d be appreciative.

Here’s an upcoming book that features Blum...plus both RMJ and I (among many others): http://www.plasticsugar.com/books.html

Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 01/20 at 11:30 AM

you shouldn’t say post anything to me - i might just take you up on it… take this that i found for example. a GIFT SHOP is selling them

I can see it now…

“Nothing says ‘I LOve You’ like a shark foetus in a jar”

Posted by michael on from scotland 01/20 at 11:41 AM

as for the thing i tried to post it is available over at my spot

Posted by michael on from scotland 01/20 at 11:52 AM

as i have just been discussing with amelopsis there maybe is something better than a shark in a jar.

it’s a whale on your doorstep

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/4627178.stm

Posted by michael on from scotland 01/20 at 12:23 PM

Regarding Football: The main reason Major League Soccer is decidely minor league is money. In the U.S. we have three major professional leagues that draw the lion’s share of TV revenue, and together they cover the entire year. The National Football League, The National Basketball Association, and Major League Boredom...uh, sorry,..baseball! Major League Baseball! Any soccer league has to squeeze in where it can and catch any TV crumbs that fall. No money = no talent.

In addition, the sports media in this country treats soccer like leprosy. I know because I work in it. (The sports media, that is. Leprosy is just a hobby.) The anchors and reporters would rather make fun of soccer than learn about it. They’re reasoning is that soccer isn’t going to catch on. If it’s not hot in America, it just ain’t hot! Of course, the massive numbers of youth leagues don’t count. And you thought only our Government was deluding itself.

One question for Michael, though. What dreadful situation transpired that ended with you watching American soccer. The last I checked, Scotland had one or two football teams worthy of that attention. Do yourself a favor and stick with the home league, the mind you save may be your own.

On William Blum: I recommend Killing Hope. I have Killing Hope and Rogue State. Both are excellent and will serve you well.

My wife and I saw Brokeback Mountain yesterday. An excellent film. Films like this that allow us to see ourselves in others keep us a little closer to our humanity.

Posted by Cart on from near Warshington DC 01/20 at 01:11 PM

Damn Z you like to ask the hard questions don’t you!

I have never given thought to a suicide note until now.
I’m sure at one point or another everybody has thought of eating a gun or doing a swan dive into traffic because the very essence of this contrived reality is designed to confound and break rational, creative and decent people.

Our education systems are designed to create pliable drones that see enslavement as freedom and greed as a virtue. When one breaks from the programming and sees the world through ‘unfettered new eyes’ the first effect is often a debilitating and cataclysmic despair.
Many a gentle and loving soul will be eaten by this revelation before equilibrium and a sense of purpose can be achieved. Self-pity is as effective as the loaded gun of an aggressor.

Some of the most eloquent and beautiful people I know are weighed down by a malingering sadness that marks their days and years and drains away their ability to spread their eloquently voluminous message of love, courage or whatever.

Often those who crack the initial crust of helplessness and move toward efficacy in their words and deeds are treated to a redoubled effort from the powers that be (pick your level of control mechanism) to grind you into compliance with the forced resignation to the “way it is” or destruction.

When the freed soul resists these attempts to bring them to heel, they are often as you imply killed in an ambiguous manner.
The character you describe sounds as though material “success” or reassuring recognition of his said “genius” from contemporaries or the public would have eliminated the need for the suicide note.

I am assuming that the feted words and volumes of this “successful” writer would explain what he would otherwise have been required to convey in the note.
(also assuming that his “genius” for spreading his vibe isn’t compromised by the raging desire for “success” in a classic example of the means engulfing the ends)

With the above diatribe as the first thing that came to mind and a bit of consideration of intent toward what my note might say, I realize that I could never carry such a note on my person. It would just be too long and rambling. I would have to have it stored in safe keeping with the cooperation of the one or many who would release it upon hearing of my questionable end.

You know what, screw that, I would never want anybody to think I killed myself because no matter how dark and stormy the winter of discontent, suicide is never an option in my reality. Attempting to convince people I killed myself whether I did or not would stand as an endorsement of self-destruction as an option. I just can’t get behind that wagon.

Maybe I just don’t get what you are saying or understand what kind of response you are attempting to elicit.

I am here to learn every single lesson, (no matter how awful or degrading) that I came here to learn and checking out early would deprive my soul of its evolution.
Deceiving people into thinking I opted for suicide would defeat the very essence of what I am becoming on this level of existence.

If anything I ever wrote got published I would probably drop dead of a heart attack anyway.

p.s. we all need more Blum.

Posted by Youngfox on from We'll see after Monday 01/20 at 01:23 PM

Here’s a classic from the Ann Coulter stable of wisdom:

“She has argued that the US press exhibits liberal bias because Republicans don’t have the wealth to own their own media outlets.”

All together now: D’oh!

Posted by Chris Wood on from Manchester, England 01/20 at 01:44 PM

I’m convinced Ann Coulter is actually a lefty Fifth-columnist (rather than just a fifth-rate columnist). It just isn’t possible for someone to be that bizaare.

Posted by Mew on from England 01/20 at 02:01 PM

i heard a suggestion that they should drop her and o’reilly on an island somewhere but ugh.. think off the offspring!

Posted by michael on from scotland 01/20 at 02:07 PM

>shudder<

Posted by Chris Wood on from Manchester, England 01/20 at 02:16 PM

Anne Coulter is a prick-turtling monster.
Fortunately her absurdity defeats her “efforts” almost every time. She is easily ignored.

I only worry about the devotees who consider her words to be enlightening.
She is like a stripper who beckons and tantalizes until her panties come off and her furry tail is exposed. While any sane person would shrink away in horror or spew their greasy stripjoint lunch onto the stage, her followers are mesmerized by her swaying, hairy appendage and cease to see anything beyond it.

She is a hate monger and a disinformer.

Hate is usually a sexy and tasty dish of empty mental calories that is gobbled up by the lazy and stupid. It is difficult and gut wrenching to watch and listen as the swine suck up the candy and deposit the resultant reeking waste products across the land.
Luckily, when you live only on easily accessible junk food you usually die a quick and painful death.

Posted by Youngfox on from As above, so below 01/20 at 02:20 PM

the terrorist vaudeville has used Osama Bin Laden to drag Bill Blum´s name into it? that´s not a healthy sign when they start implicating solidarity between teevee´s badguy and one of America´s leading dissidents.

Posted by Owen on from Barcelona 01/20 at 02:33 PM

Another brilliant post to start the weekend (it is 6:36 am on a Saturday morning in Daylesford, and 90F are forecast), Mickey!
So Osama Bin Laden has mentioned Bill Blum on his tape? I met Bill in April 2004 and have read ‘Rogue State’, ‘Killing Hope’ and his memoir ‘West-Bloc Dissident’. Enlightening and eye-opening books - highly recommended.
Like the Checkhov, Parker and Mickey Z. quotes - like all the quotes on this great site on second thoughts.
And ‘hi’ to all of you expendables - have a good afternoon/night wherever you are!

Posted by Helga Fremlin on from Daylesford, Australia 01/20 at 02:38 PM

And Keir, I recommend ‘The Rebel’ by Camus as well! When I read it years ago, I thought it might be boring but it was a pleasure to read.

Posted by Helga Fremlin on from Daylesford, Australia 01/20 at 02:48 PM

Mickey,
is Bill Blum also scheduled to appear on ‘Newshour’? Serious question! Thanks for answering - my email does not seem to work at the moment ..

Posted by Helga Fremlin on from Daylesford, Australia 01/20 at 02:55 PM

Only have a few seconds. Hello everyone.

Youngfox, this statement is frighteningly true: “Some of the most eloquent and beautiful people I know are weighed down by a malingering sadness that marks their days and years and drains away their ability to spread their eloquently voluminous message of love, courage or whatever.”

Helga, I believe Blum will be on MSNBC “Countdown” tonight (Friday night).

Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 01/20 at 03:05 PM

Thanks, Mickey! It is now 3:17 pm in the eastern States, I believe.
Captcha ‘received’ - reply gratefully received.

Posted by Helga Fremlin on from Daylesford, Australia 01/20 at 03:19 PM

Hey Expendables,

Mickey, I need to work on my suicide note—I’ll be doing the coffee shops later, and should have time to investigate my deep-seated need for everlasting notoriety.

Just wanted to pass on some Hawk Sr. news.

He says his copy of Fight Club has not yet arrived (?!?), but he’s been busy getting set up to teach a class at his local junior college, and wouldn’ve had time to read until this weekend, anyway. He hopes he’ll have his copy by this afternoon.

He also wanted me to apologize for his absence from this forum. Like I mentioned earlier, he hasn’t developed the habit of checking in, yet, but if I keep reminding him, it’ll happen. Hopefully he will have read the book by Tuesday, and the act of participating in our discussion will get him started.

Anyway, I’ll be back in a couple hours, and will read through everyone’s comments then.

Captcha: “justice”.

Posted by Hawk on from Boulder, CO 01/20 at 03:21 PM

History teaches that an empire should go to war for one of two reasons: (1) to defend itself or (2) benefit from war; if not, as Paul Kennedy illustrates in his magisterial The Rise and Fall of the Great Powers, a military overstretch will drain its economic resources and precipitate its collapse. Economically speaking, in order for an empire to initiate and conduct a war, its benefits must outweigh its military and social costs. Benefits from Iraqi oil fields are hardly worth the long-term, multi-year military cost. Instead, Bush must have gone into Iraq to defend his Empire. Indeed, this is the case: two months after the United States invaded Iraq, the Oil for Food Program was terminated, the Iraqi Euro accounts were switched back to dollars, and oil was sold once again only for U.S. dollars. No longer could the world buy oil from Iraq with Euro. Global dollar supremacy was once again restored. Bush descended victoriously from a fighter jet and declared the mission accomplished-he had successfully defended the U.S. dollar, and thus the American Empire.- The Proposed Iranian Oil Bourse: http://tinyurl.com/73g3e

“For things to remain the same, everything must change.” -Tancredi Falconeri to his uncle the Prince of Salina (from Luchino Visconti’s Il Gattopardo-The Leopard it’s also a book by Giuseppe Tomasi di Lampedusa)

The dollar may fall this March: http://tinyurl.com/a7q5r

Robert Fisk: http://tinyurl.com/csjsk

and

quotes from “The Suicide” an episode of Seinfeld: http://tinyurl.com/8678e

Posted by tm on from earth 01/20 at 05:20 PM

Hi ALL...Youngfox I envy your wordsmith talents, such as when you say, “...When the freed soul resists these attempts to bring them to heel, they are often as you imply killed in an ambiguous manner....”

Also, I have been thinking. Those who interview Blum, after watching Blitzer last night, are not up to the job. Therefore, I propose that Mickey interview him. This is done all the time on C-span’s Book TV. A real person or another author interviews the subject. I am getting my e-mail request off to book tv now, hint, hint.

Posted by RMJ on from Churchill 4 Prez Hdqts 01/20 at 05:32 PM

RMJ, if you give me the address, I’ll send one too.

Posted by Chris Wood on from Manchester, England 01/20 at 05:50 PM

Thanks Chris....here is the address for the program that is on every morning.

This one is for book tv which does in depth interviews with authors.

Posted by RMJ on from Churchill 4 Prez Hdqts 01/20 at 06:09 PM

Great links, as always, TM. And thanks RMJ and Chris for the C-Span help. I feel this may be a tiny window for radical writers to get noticed.

Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 01/20 at 06:23 PM

Mickey, a tiny window is better than no window. Actually C-span has a lot of viewers, worldwide, but more than that they are very loyal viewers because C-span is under constant threat of being eliminated.

News is reporting Rogue State has gone from 209,572 yesterday to 43 on Amazon now.

Posted by RMJ on from Churchill 4 Prez Hdqts 01/20 at 06:35 PM

I agree, Rosemarie.

Just read that Blum’s book reached #30 today. That doesn’t mean a lot yet. Amazon sales rankings are not to be trusted unless a book maintains a certain number for a while. Still, it’s clear a fair amount of folks got turned on to Blum today.

Btw, RMJ: I saw something on the news about Bellows Falls installing video cameras to watch its citizens.

Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 01/20 at 06:38 PM

��kay, here’s my silly suicide note:

To Whomever It Is Who Discovers My Cold, Lifeless Body,

Don’t worry, it isn’t “mine” anymore, as I’ve moved on to an experience that you, too, will one day encounter.

Now that I’m on the “other side,” I want to share a few insights that have already come to me.

1) God is not an old man with a white beard sitting on top of a mountain, holding a lantern and keeping track of all our screw-ups. God is, in fact, a jelly-like substance that not only glows in the dark, but tastes like blackberries when spread on toast.

2) You really, really should not have cut down those Brazilian rainforests.

3) At the precise moment of death, when your entire life flashes by like an MTV commercial, a trained ape holding a wooden pointer continually stops the film at the most embarrassing episodes of your journey. There’s laugh track in the background, and a game show host named Clark sneers when they get to the parts where you were arrested. A Vanna White type woman walks back and forth in front of the screen, smiling out one side of her face, scowling from the other. Finally, your mother looks down into your casket and says, “How could you?”

There’s more, but you’ll need to kill yourself before they give you the password.

Oh… why did I kill myself?

Well, I had a dream in which George W. Bush and I were stuck in a broken elevator. He kept smirking at me and saying, “Nice beard, dumbass.” He said he had a new nickname for me: Beatnik. I told him that I really liked that nickname, and I would have business cards with that name made up immediately. His face turned red, and suddenly he was wearing nothing but diapers. He sat on the floor and started pounding it with his little baby fists. He continued to shrink until he became a fetus, then just a blob of placenta in a pool of blood, and finally he disappeared altogether. When my alarm went off, I was so happy that I couldn’t imagine anything better happening during the remainder of this lifetime, so I ran straight out my fifth story window, pumping my legs all the way down.

Posted by Hawk on from Boulder, CO 01/20 at 07:07 PM

Yes, Mickey...about the cameras. I am in the minority in not always opposing cameras when they are placed in very public areas. My reasoning is that sometimes they are helpful in deterring assaults, preventing rapes, muggings etc. I also would not necessarily oppose them in areas known for aggressive driving and high accident rates. Most of my friends disagree with me. Privacy is very important but freedom from rapists, aggressive drivers etc has to be taken into consideration.

Have not yet written my suicide note but epitaphs kept floating around in my brain today.

Here lies RMJ
She always had a lot to say
At times she really tried her best
But now finally our ears will get a rest

Posted by RMJ on from Churchill 4 Prez Hdqts 01/20 at 07:45 PM

Did anyone hear Bill Blum on MSNBC tonight? Good stuff...and the host did a great job with an interview that could have been a fiasco.

Hawk: Your note is brilliant. Truly brilliant.

RMJ: Is there that much crime in Bellow Falls?

Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 01/20 at 08:53 PM

Suicide note? Confusion.

Posted by Scholr on from Fuzhou, China 01/20 at 10:36 PM

Welcome, Scholr. Is that your note or what you’re feeling...or both?

Anyway, good night, all. Bring your stories tomorrow.

Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 01/20 at 10:40 PM

The Democratic Party seems to be writing its suicide note day in and day out. As does the Republican Party. And yet they live on. So far.

In the meantime, a few of us progressive creative writers decided to start up our own press. We’ve got a couple good books out and several more very soon to arrive, at Mainstay Press:
http://www.mainstaypress.org/

Posted by Tony Christini on from Morgantown WV 01/21 at 07:22 PM