Mickey Z
Cool Observer
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Suicide solution?
Mornin’ Mickey...What a very sad story today, so sad for everyone who ever knew and loved him, so extremely sad for his daughter. Reading what you wrote made me think of how unfair life is for many people. Some people seem to lead charmed lives but there are others who have a constant battle. Seems like your cousin never got a break. I know people like that. I often wonder what keeps them going. Everyone has moments of desperation but for some the constant pounding of bad breaks just becomes overwhelming. Suicide becomes the lesser of the evils. Very, very sad.
Posted by RMJ on from Churchill 4 Prez Hdqts 08/05 at 08:00 AMi am sorry for your loss the the loss of a father to an eleven year old.
there ARE happy endings though. no, not all of the time, but i do believe there are.
we can never know what goes on in the hearts and minds of those we know and/or love. what is on the outside is not necessarily what is on the inside.
my thoughts are with you and the family
Posted by a rose is a rose on from east of eden, connecticut 08/05 at 09:28 AMHello Expendables. Thanks, RMJ. Thanks (and welcome), Rose. I like your blog: http://the-morrighan.blogspot.com
Much cooler in Astoria today. I was able to sit in the sun on my fire escape and, well, escape.
Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 08/05 at 09:43 AMI hope this is a good morning for you Mickey, and for you, RMJ and Rose.
Suicide. Heavy topic. I’m sorry for all that this event brings to your family and your cousin’s.
I know two mothers who’s children found them after they committed suicide, as a teenager an aquaintance who did this, and still now someone dear to me who struggles with it as part of living with manic depression.Sad as it is, there is little one can do even when aware of the thoughts of others, but to offer support and that’s so much easier said than done.
Once the deed is done, it’s impossible to reconcile, for me in any case. I that the loss can serve as a catalyst for good in those who are affected by this, the tragedy can otherwise be overwhelming and embittering.I hope you can enjoy this beautiful almost perfect summer day.
Posted by Amelopsis on from CAnadia 08/05 at 10:36 AMWhen someone close to you dies, you always wonder what you could have done differently to have prevented it. When it’s suicide this feeling is increased tenfold. Yet the reality is you will never be able to stop a determined person, no matter how reasoned your argument.
The last thing I would want to do is intrude on private grief. The fact that you have asked for comments though, indicates that you are exploring thoughts, feelings and different angles on the issue of suicide. If that is the case you might be interested in reading a post I wrote about the subject a few months back (Suicide). It was for a different reason and comes at it from a different angle, but might add a little more to the jigsaw.
Posted by Kim Ayres on from Scotland 08/05 at 11:44 AMSorry Mickey for your loss. My Grandfather shot himself in the chest with a shotgun in 1990. I have moved on from it but a piece of me will always be dead. I loved that man with all my heart and to this day I can’t understand why he did it. Your post has brought it all back to me this morning. You’ll move on from this but it will never completely go away. Again, I really feel for you this morning.
Posted by David on from Louisville KY 08/05 at 11:46 AMSorry to hear of this loss, Mickey. Your cousin’s daughter will need much support, I’m sure.
My first encounter with the death of a human being was when I was six or seven. A a close friend of my older brother, popular in the neighborhood, talented, with a great sense of humor, and thirteen years old, hung himself in his closet. He had been accused of a typical teenage misdeed in our coastal town---stealing a boat for a brief and harmless joyride. He hadn’t been alone. His accomplice, a kid from around the corner with a talent for getting into trouble, managed to avoid being accused. After the suicide my brother caught him attempting to steal the dead friend’s dirtbike from his parents’ house. This was in the early 80’s when BMX bikes were status symbols and still more important than Atari, and this particular bike was the finest in the neighborhood. The parents, who now do outreach for prisoners, gave the bicycle to my brother, and we keep it still.
That was my first, but not last, experience with death, suicide, and tragedy made personal by my close relationships with people dying too soon. I think it is interesting how our murderous culture looks at suicide with such horror and fear. Albert Camus is the only writer I know of who deals directly and fearlessly with it. He rejects it on the same grounds he rejects all the violence of our times. He would agree with you Mickey that there are no happy endings. I don’t think it’s not about happy endings though. It’s about living middles that make sense. For Camus, we struggle “with knives in our hands and a lump in our throats” to act reasonably, always aware of the absurdity around us. But “we ourselves are no longer able to choose our problems. They choose us...”
Posted by Keir on from The Hague 08/05 at 12:03 PMHello Empress, David, Keir...and welcome, Kim (have we met here before?). Thanks for taking time to share your insights. I was talking with my mother about this and declaring that suicide is far more common than we might imagine. It’s just not the kind of thing one talks about (admits?). There’s a stigma a shame.
I appreciate all the comments. Being a bit of a control freak, the Camus lesson has be one I’ve had to learn and re-learn over and over: "We ourselves are no longer able to choose our problems. They choose us..."
Kim: I will read you blog post later today. Thanks.
Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 08/05 at 12:37 PMMy condelences, Mickey, that’s terrible. But I’m unclear on what you mean about there being no unhappy endings. You’re still happily married in Astoria, right? I mean we joke about my Cat Lady status, but it occasionally doesn’t feel so funny. Well, that’s not it. I’ve obviously been in a cynical and frustrated mood lately, so it feels odd to vote in favor of the persistence of periodic happy endings, but…
My experience with suicide-- well myeslf, I’ve luckily just engaged in severe oversleeping when such urges arose. This cost me my college education, but saved my life. My younger brother on the other hand took a more direct approach, playing with blades on his arms, sorta like the girl in Secretary did on her thighs (but that’s where any similarity ends). Now, we can make all of our hippy attacks on western medicine all day long, but it did save my brother’s life. Various trials with medication and several stays in various institutions, and now about a decade later the thought of cutting himself never enters his mind, apparently to us at least.
So, there’s that, I guess what you could call a happy ending. Or at least a happy resolution. Maybe I’ve misunderstood what you mean by not happy endings.
Posted by James on from Hell's Kitchen 08/05 at 01:09 PMI meant condolences.
Posted by James on from Hell's Kitchen 08/05 at 01:14 PMThanks, James. You’ve sort of answered your own question as far as I’m concerned. There are resolutions, solutions, etc. But so, so often, things do not end happily (in the sense we’re conditioned and programmed to believe). We play by the rules, we do as we’re told, but there’s no pot of gold waiting for us. The grass isn’t greener. No reward or pay off. (Fill in your own cliche.) That doesn’t mean there isn’t happiness and that life cannot be exhilirating...but as I get older, I see more and more good people suffering and it’s numbing.
As for Western medicine, my critiques aren’t “hippy.” I’ve never said anything negative about lifesaving high tech interventions. My comments have been focused in other directions. But that’s for another discussion.
Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 08/05 at 01:18 PMHi Mickey,
Funny that I should go to your webpage today and see the subject of suicide. I have a 16 year old nephew with a life similar to your cousin’s. I am often scared for him and hope he finds alternatives to his parents’ lives who just don’t care. He’s going back home to Florida today - back to the trailer park he despises and a father he doesn’t get along with. Not that he has it much better up in Kearny with his mom. But with him living in Florida, it’s hard to “be there” for him physically, but we talk on the phone and email throuch myspace.com (which I swore I would never ever become a member of but in order to keep in touch, that’s my only alternative). Since he was a little boy, he talked of suicide. I just try to give him hope as he grows older. Not an easy task.
I’m sorry for the loss of your cousin. I am glad, though that you have had good times with him. Those memories are important when you look back on your life in relation to others.
Kathy
Posted by Kathy on from Suffern 08/05 at 01:19 PMWell hello, Kathy. It’s been a long time.
I wish I was one of those people with an endless supply of wise words and inspirational talk but all i can say is that your nephew is lucky to have you and I will be sending all the good vibes I can in his direction. He is 100% welcome to stop by here and join the discussions. Who knows? We might all learn something.
Don’t be such a stranger…
Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 08/05 at 01:28 PMI know I’ve had some fun at Bono’s expense here and some of you strongly dislike U2’s music but I have always connected to their songs and still listen to their CDs often. My favorite is “One Tree Hill,” a song Bono wrote when a childhood friend of his (who worked as a band roadie, I believe) died at the height The Joshua Tree fame. I remember Bono talking about how he feared the ring of the phone after getting that call. Here was a young man on top of the world with fame, fortune, and adulation but he was not happy...as death had paid an unexpected visit.
My cousin was lifelong musician and, I dunno, the words to “One Tree Hill” just seem right for today. Not just for him but also for this sad, sad society we’ve all created. (see next post)
Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 08/05 at 01:51 PMOne Tree Hill
We turn away to face the cold, enduring chill
As the day begs the night for mercy
The sun so bright it leaves no shadows/Only scars
Carved into stone/On the face of earth
The moon is up and over One Tree Hill
We see the sun go down in your eyesYou run like river/On like the sea
You run like a river runs to the seaAnd in the world, a heart of darkness/A fire zone
Where poets speak their heart/Then bleed for it
Jara sang, his song a weapon/In the hands of love
You know his blood still cries/From the groundIt runs like a river runs to the sea
It runs like a river to the seaI don’t believe in painted roses/Or bleeding hearts
While bullets rape the night of the merciful
I’ll see you again/When the stars fall from the sky
And the moon has turned red/Over One Tree HillWe run like a river/We run to the sea
We run like a river to the sea
And when it’s raining/Raining hard
That’s when the rain will/Break my heartIt’s raining/Raining in your heart
Oh great ocean/Oh great sea
Run to the ocean/Run to the seaPosted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 08/05 at 01:51 PMPardon, didn’t really mean for such a belligerent tone; as said, just been really tense and cynical lately. Shouldnt have said that about your thing about western medicine, I know what you’ve meant about it all this time and I largely agree, but it just gets weird with my best friend as an ER doctor literally saving lives on a daily basis, and then my brother… at this point I’ve become envious of him. He had an advantage in his problems being so distinct, not the vague bullshit I get mired in. He literally was in a life or death situation-- get over it or die, and with lots of help (though very little from me), he did the first choice. Now he makes more money than I do, meets girls a lot more easily, etc. etc. Oh whatever. I guess the difference beteween ‘ending’ and ‘resolution’ could just be semantic sometimes.
In other bad news:
http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/wireStory?id=2277291
And I’d really been getting my hopes up. Looks like this is all we’ve got for now…
Posted by James on from Hell's Kitchen 08/05 at 02:11 PMI’m really sorry to hear that Mickey. My deepest condolences. I’ve lost two good friends through suicide and miss them still. :(
Posted by Luna_C on from The Delta 08/05 at 02:49 PMHello everyone...It is good to see so much wisdom and empathy here on this sad day. On my desk right here is a sign that says, “If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention”. Mickey, your cousin was paying attention, if not to world affairs, he at least was paying attention to his own pain. I believe that suicide is tragic but I do not believe that it should carry any shame or stigma. It takes a lot of courage to take that final step. You say that there are no happy endings. I agree. I also am beginning to wonder if there are any happy middles. This needs repeating, “We ourselves are no longer able to choose our problems. They choose us...”
Posted by RMJ on from Churchill 4 Prez Hdqts 08/05 at 03:12 PM“...Suicide in the United States
by Jane Pearson, Ph.D.*
In 1995, the year for which we have the most recent national death statistics, suicide was the ninth-leading cause of death in the United States. It accounted for 31,284 deaths, or 1.3 percent of all U.S. deaths....”
Posted by RMJ on from Churchill 4 Prez Hdqts 08/05 at 03:32 PMI went out for a walk and about this:
The label descibes the Clash’s performances here as “furiously alive”, and that seemed like a fitting statement for today, a good goal to have. To be furiously alive, whatever that means exactly.
Hope everyone’s staying cool and okay when possible now…
Posted by James on from Hell's Kitchen 08/05 at 06:32 PMHey man, check it out--
http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1808718595/info
Comes out in under two weeks…
Posted by James on from Hell's Kitchen 08/06 at 12:23 AMHi Micky - you asked if we’ve met before. Not in person, but you link to the Blunt Cogs site which I’m one of the founder members of, so you’ve probably recognised my name from there.
Kim
Posted by Kim Ayres on from Scotland 08/07 at 05:24 PMYou’re probably right, Kim. Hope you’ll stop by here again soon.
Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 08/07 at 06:23 PM
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