Mickey Z

Cool Observer

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Cool Observer Sunday Exclusive: Christ Has Returned

Posted by Mickey Z on 03/04 at 07:40 AM

Man, I’ve been catching sightings of him on billboards all over the city! You with me on this, JOS?

http://imdb.com/title/tt0486576/

http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/fantasticfourriseofthesilversurfer/

Posted by James on from Hell's Kitchen 03/04 at 08:14 AM

Hmm. I think a cluster bomb may have put an end to him/her some few months back.

Posted by Amelopsis on from Canada 03/04 at 09:37 AM

Of course you could be right, James. He might be on his way to theatre near you soon!

Posted by Amelopsis on from Canada 03/04 at 09:38 AM

Maybe it’s Chavez! Or maybe not: http://tinyurl.com/yuk6vg

Question: If all the people with the money leave where will Chavez get the money to do everything he promised the poor of his country? He was going to take from the rich and give to the poor. I guess he’ll take from the middle class and give to the poor.

Peace!

Posted by David on from Louisville KY 03/04 at 10:25 AM

Dude, he has a website:
http://www.cegenglish.com/
;)

Posted by Thomas McCullock on from Colorado Springs 03/04 at 11:42 AM

I love Jesus’ diamond encrusted ring and solid gold bracelet, Thomas.

I have to say, the Silver Surfer looks pretty cool, James.

Haven’t you all heard? James Cameron found Christ and is doing a television show about it tonight. Terminator, Titanic...now this, the guy is amazing.

Posted by JOS on from Oak Park 03/04 at 11:50 AM

Man, there is a four-story poster of Him diagonally across the street from my apartment, and it’s just beatiful, so inspirational. I just know he’s going to lead Galactus away from Earth, I just know it!

Sad thing is, it’s actually a poster for FF2. And FF1 was so bad that they’re minimizing any actual references to the Fantastic Four…

Posted by James on from Hell's Kitchen 03/04 at 12:15 PM

Hello Expendables. Much cooler in NYC today than yesterday.

Anyway, I had a funny feeling this collection of misfits would have some leads on the whereabouts of JC2. Thanks, all.

As for Cameron, when you progress from Terminator to Titanic to Jesus, where do you go next? Elvis? Oprah? Madonna? T.O.?

Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 03/04 at 12:20 PM

Then again, Jesus could be in an orange jumpsuit at Gitmo.

Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 03/04 at 12:50 PM

Damn you heathens!
All good Xtians know that Jebus is going to appear on a cloud with a mighty entourage of heavenly hosts while simultaneously spamming all of the world’s blackberry and email accounts with a midi file that sounds like little plastic trumpets.

Of course nobody will remark about the vehicles, “banging whips” or “fiery wheels” that Jebus is descending in looking anything like what is commonly referred to as UFOs or the fact that the “heavenly hosts” look more like what human folklore refers to as “aliens”.

As for Cameron, his next project will look to open an inter-dimensional rift and do a candid ‘one on one’ with Yahweh the Destroyer.

They will talk frankly about why millions are left in scorched deserts with there stomachs eating their linings and bodies cannibalizing their muscle tissue while Westerners need to drive living rooms on wheels because they can’t fit their fat asses, (and egos) into fuel efficient vehicles.

Then they will discuss the culture of entitlement in which Westerners and Zionists live so deservedly and why lands are “promised” to Europeans yet these Euro converts where never actually born or even genetically traceable to these promised lands.
(Inconveniently currently filled by people who fit the real definition of “Semite”)

All of mighty, hateful Yahweh’s explanations for the blatant inconsistencies and ridiculous literalist suppositions drawn from the man-written tomes presented as Yahweh’s own personal memos with make perfect and undeniable sense, (not because they do, but because if they don’t your head will melt like a wax special effect from a Spielberg movie).

Then Cameron will die, be entombed and rise from is tomb a few days later to begin filming
“Titanic 2 - The War on Logic”.

James #1
When I was a young heathen the Surfer and Dr. Strange where my favourite comics.
While that trailer looks pretty intriguing, (Surfer’s dimensional phasing through buildings- FAB!) and the Surfer did first appear in the F4 comics I am sorry that the Surfer’s first big screen interpretation is to be tacked onto that awful F4 Hollywood franchise.
Hopefully I can steal it off of the internet sometime soon.

Mickey # 9
Why would Jebus be held in a concentration camp that he obviously strongly endorses and blesses? The only blue-eyed gods of war in Gitmo are America’s heroes “defending your freedoms™” one water boarding at a time.

Posted by Youngfox on from X-canada 03/04 at 01:35 PM

Youngfox showed up, so my Sunday just got better. MZ that Evil Jesus article from January is phenom, I dunno how I missed it the first time ‘round.

Hey, I got yer Jesus right here:
http://tinyurl.com/7c3ln

Posted by Keir on from the hague 03/04 at 01:38 PM

Hey, you all go Yahweh and I’ll go mine…

Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 03/04 at 01:55 PM

Nobody fucks with the Jesus, Keir.

Posted by JOS on from Oak Park 03/04 at 02:13 PM

Then again, the messiah seems to be in battle with Talking Heads right now:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qj2nBRvOxXg

Posted by James on from Hell's Kitchen 03/04 at 02:14 PM

I added a video to the main post.

Captcha sez: Asked (not that anybody did)

Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 03/04 at 02:38 PM

What a glorious bounty of Jay Zeus-thrashing sarcasm, Expendables. I truly feel like the farm league of faith, but with high pressure sodium Light From Above (tm) I may be able to overcome my lack of belief. Or at least stop barfing on the theocratic rug. The eight-storey Silver Edition Jebus is only proof that Gitmo torture is part of the Plan - “It’s Jesus-boarding, you heathens!”

Youngfox, JOS, and James, the Church Police will be breaking down your door tonight, as a warning to the rest. http://tinyurl.com/3aj5r8

David #4: I expect that redistribution barb was tongue in cheek, but the Third World is the only place where rats flee newly-buoyant ships: capital flight is the union label of international relations. I so heart those Venezuelans (sic) who are fleeing to Miami - even the jet set needs a few boat people. Here’s to a rising sea level, and shock treatment for parasites in the legislative body.

re: Silver Surfer: Joe Satriani’s “Surfing With The Alien” remains just as fun 20 years later. http://tinyurl.com/32dnjc

Amen.

Posted by Zen Prole on from Urth 03/04 at 03:11 PM

Hell Zen, who needs the “church police”?
Having re-read my last hasty post I realize now that “All Knowing™” Jebus foresaw the blasphemy I was about to type and turned my hands and fingers into skin mittens thus transforming all my were(s) into where(s) etc, etc while putting an overall biblical sized curse on what little typing skill I enjoy.

Now my cat is speaking in tongues… wait .. He’s saying..H…..Ha…Haaaaaaaaaack!
I’m sure that’s Aramaic for “curses upon the unbeliever“!
Now I must humbly kneel to shop vac this plague off of my carpet as I realize I am forever cursed with flowing rivers of undeterminable cat vomit emanating from Gob’s feline messenger.

Forgive me father, for I know not what he spews!

Posted by Youngfox on from Lil'Merka 03/04 at 04:48 PM

“Hey, you all go Yahweh and I’ll go mine… “

<highfive>

Posted by owen on from schmarcelona 03/04 at 06:10 PM

Zen # 16, Is that what Chavez had planned all along? Get rid of all the evil rich people. Chavez and Castro are heros to socialists across the globe. People tend to overlook the misery the very people they champion continue to live in. For example: What is so bad about Cuba that it is worth risking your life to get out of there?

Posted by David on from Louisville KY 03/04 at 07:34 PM

Hmm, David, regarding your Cuba question: perhaps part of the reason people are so eager to leave Cuba is that the most powerful nation in the history of the universe has spent forty years trying to make socialism fail there. I suppose most countries under constant attack would see many of its people leaving.

btw, USA Today has this to say.

Posted by Keir on from the hague 03/04 at 08:17 PM

Does anyone here understand what culture jamming actually is let alone ever read Adbusters?

Posted by James on from Hell's Kitchen 03/04 at 09:04 PM

Interesting question, Mickey!

Thanks for answering it on my behalf, Amelopsis (#2): ‘Hmm. I think a cluster bomb may have put an end to him/her some few months back.’

‘Hi’ to James, David, Thomas McCullock, JOS, Youngfox, Keir, Zen Prole and Owen - you are all so brilliant, which why this expendable rarely comments extensively.

Am off to Melbourne for a few days, so take care of yourselves, Cool Observer and my fellow expendables.

Posted by Helga Fremlin on from Daylesford, Australia 03/04 at 09:10 PM

David, #19: I don’t think Chavez hates rich people there any more than rich people here hate the poor. What is clear is that Venezuela’s resources and economy aren’t just for the rich any longer; it’s funny how selfishness morphs into self-righteousness.

There’s plenty of detail we could discuss, and yes, from an anarchist p.o.v. Chavez or Castro leave much to be desired. The real points of comparison, however, are how a few Third World countries have made better lives for millions of their people. One wag has called it ‘the threat of a good example.’ In case you haven’t noticed, the US is heading in the opposite direction and it will get much, much worse before it (ever?) gets better.

Years ago, when I was in a sub-Ivy League college learning (sic) political science, an article of faith was that any policy has costs & benefits for different people. What wasn’t mentioned and made me uncomfortable (and often pissed) were the assumptions behind this. Corporate cheerleaders the world over would have us believe that change is inherently good, but apparently that doesn’t apply some places.

One last detail regarding Chavez: if you watch the documentary “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised,” you can watch him greet and sing along with a mentally retarded kid and his mom. I worked with the MR for years, and for anyone, much less a head of state, to have no hesitation or aloofness in such a situation is remarkable. It’s a sign of humanity which contrasts with the later warning, among some middle class homeowners association, that their servants might show up for work armed with hand grenades (true!). Chavez is hated by rich Venezuelans because he doesn’t have contempt and hatred of the poor like they do.

Posted by Zen Prole on from Urth 03/05 at 02:06 AM

There’s this old joke that questioned why only winning teams thanked god. “Well, we would have won...that is, until Jesus made me fumble.”

Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing.
-- H L Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy, “Sententiæ: Arcana Coelestia” (1949).

Thanks as always for you work Z.

Posted by ultrafknbd on from Cali 03/05 at 02:13 AM