Mickey Z
Cool Observer
Friday, May 04, 2007
A long, strange trip indeed
If you want what visible reality
can give, you are an employee.
If you want the unseen world,
you are not living your truth.
Both wishes are foolish,
but you will be forgiven for
forgetting
that what you really want is
love’s confusing joy.
Rumi.Its the best I can come up with right now, Mickey. I have gone through the joys and sorrows of giving birth and losing my parents. There are no easy answers...I survived...well most of me did anyway...had to throw out some useless baggage I had been carrying around for a long time. My brothers are still fueding over the inheritance split...some things never change.
captcha says beyond.Posted by frances on from bc, canada 05/04 at 09:00 AMGreat poem quote, frances.
Best wishes for both your mom and dad, Mick.
Posted by JOS on from Chicago 05/04 at 09:35 AMHello Expendables. Another nice day in Astoria.
Thanks, Frances and JOS. I hope this post doesn’t appear like a pathetic quest for sympathy because, contrary to appearances, I’m just trying to offer another dose of reality to stand in contrast to the “happily ever after"/"don’t worry be happy” fairy tales we’re sold from childhood.
Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 05/04 at 09:39 AMyou opened the great chasm of stories I have hidden away about that time in my family’s life. Some of them are really toxic others seem funny with the passing of years. The basic themes seem to be Denial, grief, Greed, Anger, retaliation, shunning, did i mention denial? blame, shame, regret, nostalgia,self pity, and any other rotten ingredient you wnat to throw into the old bucket of worms.
I found this video in another blog today in reference to orgasmic sex but it works for death as well...http://tinyurl.com/3a79p6Posted by frances on from bc 05/04 at 10:17 AMThanks, Frances. In case that link isn’t working for anyone else:
http://tinyurl.com/3a79p6So...have I bummed everyone out too much to comment?
Captcha sez: nearly
Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 05/04 at 02:28 PMMy sincere best wishes during what seems to be a real downer of a time for you and your family. I, like many who visit here, understand how depressing the present circumstances of life are anyway. I suppose when it comes to family we can at least remember many of the good times. I know that doesn’t always help but it might from time to time. Hang in there!
Posted by dw on from Cincinnati, Ohio 05/04 at 02:35 PMWe were simultyping. You’ve not bummed me out at all. After visiting here two or three times a week for the past few months, I’ve never seen a main post like this from you before. take care
Posted by dw on from Cincinnati, Ohio 05/04 at 02:39 PMThanks, DW. Much appreciated…
Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 05/04 at 02:51 PMThanks, Mickey for the dose of reality. The older I get, the more I realize that “happily ever after” is usually a myth.
Good thoughts to your whole family and other families coping with sickness, financial hardship, failures of empathy, fractured spirits, and so many other human miseries.Our souls have been raped and our hearts have been vandalized...Cho said something like that in his statement after the shootings. I guess that I should not be almost quoting him, but for some reason those words have stayed in my mind.
Posted by RMJ on from Churchill 4 Prez Hdqts 05/04 at 03:34 PMHappy 50th wedding anniversary to your parents, Mickey - but so sorry to hear that your Mum is undergoing another tough round of treatment and your Dad is no longer able to see her in hospital. I send my best wishes to both of them.
‘I hope this post doesn’t appear like a pathetic quest for sympathy’- no, it doesn’t appear like that, Mickey - you can rest assured of that.And wishes for the upcoming weekend to frances, JOS, dw and Rosemarie as well as you, Mickey. We are trying to sort out car troubles here, but by next Wednesday we should have a new car which actually WORKS!
Bye from down under.
Posted by Helga Fremlin on from Daylesford, Australia 05/04 at 05:14 PMToday I was picking up dinner at the Greek takeout place around the corner. While I’m standing in front of the counter watching my food get put together, I notice that both of the guys working there are getting real tense. I turn and see behind me a middle-aged Chinese businessman verbally and physically abusing what I assumed to be his pretty wife. I cannot be sure he was verbally abusing her—I don’t know any Chinese and unlike with European languages, it’s so exotic I wouldn’t know the difference between the sound of a joke and the sound of a serious conversation. But the giveaway was the way he was hovering over her as she tried to melt into the wall behind her. And he was yanking her ear upwards, so that the more she shrunk from him the more it hurt. Anyway it looked like it hurt. And he was shouting and she was shrinking.
He had his back to me (and the guys behind the counter) but we all stared. The place has mirrors on the walls, so he might have noticed, but he didn’t care. To my shame I waited for some cue from her, just a flash of the eyes that would say “yes help” or “no leave it”. I got nothing but my food in a plastic bag. As it was handed to me the guy behind the counter and I looked meaningfully at each other, silently agreeing that what we were witnessing was not right.
And then I took my food and left. Out the door, I turned to see the cook get out from behind the counter and confront the businessman. I didn’t wait to find out what would happen.
No happy ending. But here’s what I learned (besides I already knew I was a coward) . . . sometimes we have an excuse and an obligation to beat the living shit out of clean cut, wealthy, middle-aged men in suits. You will get a sign. It will be obvious. Then: strike!
Posted by Keir on from the hague 05/04 at 06:50 PMKeir, I have a story like that as well. And yes, I was a coward, no doubt about it. Though I am not sure my helping would have helped to make it better, which is why I didnt act on my gut knowing of what was happening.
It was late in the evening and we were sitting around the camp fire and the young boy was taken to bed by his father. A few minutes later I could here muffled sounds comming from the trailer. It sounded like thuds and muffled crying. I could barely hear but the tension and fear on the mothers face was visible. I just knew the boy was being beaten. I could see it in my minds eye: his hand over the boys mouth and the fists punching through the blankets. She was 7 maybe 8 months pregnant and her eyes were begging me not to say anything. that it would only get worse if I did.
Not knowing what to do, I stayed quiet about it and felt sick. I still do thinking about it now.
The guy was twice my size, theres no way I could have confronted him. But I could have spoken with her quietly, not threatening, not judging, alone, away from him. Offered support. But I chose to remain silent. I feel partly responsible for that boys pain for the mothers pain, and for the fathers crime. There is no resolution yet for me, just a question mark.
Maybe its more about new beginnings than it is about happy endings.Posted by frances on from bc, canada 05/04 at 07:57 PMMICKEY
90 AND 89—THE AGES OF MY MARRIED PARENTS—MOM IN A NURSING HOME—DAD IN ASSISTED LIVING—68 YRS AND COUNTING—POPS TAKES A REGIONAL BUS TO VISIT MOM 5 DAYS A WEEK AT 2:20PM… NO WEEK-END BUS SERVICE—HE TUCKS HER IN EVERY NIGHT BY PHONE—MOM DID IT FOR HIM FOR THE FIRST 67!! NOW IT’S HIS PLEASURE— DO THEY STILL MAKE COUPLES LIKE THESE TWO ?? .. OR YOUR MOM AND DAD?? YOUR DAD PLAYS LOTTO—MY DAD LIKES TO WARM UP DBL NOODLE SOUP—WE KEEP HIM WELL SUPPLIED 0:0 ;) BLESS THEIR DEVOTION AND BLESS YOU MICKEY FOR CARING AND SHARING ..
richie
Posted by richie on from st cloud/n ft myers fl 05/06 at 09:55 PMThanks, Richie. 68 years is nothing short of a miracle.
Posted by Mickey Z. on from Astoria 05/07 at 04:21 AM
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