Mickey Z
Cool Observer
Sunday, May 11, 2008
A haiku for the second Sunday in May
This morning
Gold Finches
Baltimore Orioles
Red Cardinals
Harry the CatWhat a morning
The beautiful plant life
Little stream out back
sometimes too preoccupied
to see it all, to feel itEating Day Lilly Tubers
With fresh dandelion
from the lawn
I appreciate the Friend
I’m with and who I am
to have all of thisPosted by joe of maine from on 05/11 at 07:04 AMMorning Joe...I like your poem.
Yeah, those cliches people pass on to you after the death of a parent do not help much, if at all. The one I heard a lot is that the pain fades with time. It is true, that now, some six years afer my father’s death, I am finally able to think of him without a tear coming to my eye. The cliche did not help me feel any better at the time. People feel the need to say something, however…
All I can say is that I am thinking of you and your family today, Mick.
Posted by JOS from Oak Park on 05/11 at 07:20 AMA mother’s job is brutally hard work. I didn’t learn that until I saw my wife become one. It’s not easy on Dad’s either but for mothers it is something different. I know men who complain that their wives don’t respond to them sexually anymore after having children. Here’s a scoop for you: She’s Physically and emotionally wiped out. Especially if she works full time. Help her out and take some of the load from her. Be an equal partner in raising your children. She has given up so much of herself to give you this Gift the least you can do is change some diapers, Get up off your ass and get involved. You will find that she will love you more for it and your relationship will prosper because of it.
Happy Mother’s day to the hardest working people on the planet.
Posted by David from Louisville KY on 05/11 at 08:13 AMok i will run with this.
i am so sorry about this because i wasnt really coming to the site when it happened and i think i posted something stupid without really looking just after you lost your mother because i didn’t know what had just happened. please accept my deepest apologies for that. the fact that i did that is one of the reasons i didnt visit here for a long time. i felt so bad. there was no intention, just a lack of looking at what was happening.
cherish what you had with your mother.
i don’t normally talk about this but my mother died when i was 4 and i didn’t really know her. i have to rely on everyone elses stories about her to know who she was and everyone says she was an exceptional person.
there are two stories about her i love more than the rest.
the first is when she was very ill with breast cancer and my older brothers brought her some chocolates in the hospital. sick, weak and dying she might have been but she still clipped my brother round the head because he didn’t offer the chocolates to the woman in the next bed.
the other is that my mother is the only woman in the known world to say no to james bond.
she was working in a bank in london just after she met my father and roger moore came into the bank. he liked the look of her and came back the next day with a big bunhc of flowers and tried to sweep her off her feet but she had just met my dad and told him to fuck off!
i am not certain she used those exact words!
Posted by michael from scotland (but in exile again) on 05/11 at 09:35 AMand the other thing is that for a long time i didn’t even ask about my mother because every time i did i could see everyone welling up with emotion. years after the fact the pain was still fresh and i didn’t want to subject anyone to that pain.
eventually i began to ask so i could know more about her but people were still very emotional about it.
it was breast cancer in 1981 and the sort of thing that if it was now it would probably be ok but in 1981 treatments weren’t so good.
what i really mean is that you should be happy you knew and loved a person for so long.
Posted by michael from scotland (but in exile again) on 05/11 at 09:40 AMMick - Jos - David - Joe Joe : Powerful thoughts on this—the 100th ANNIVERSARY of “The Mother’s Day” ritual. One year ago, my mother, Frances, lie in a “stupor” induced state at Oak Hills Nursing Home. She was combative when I spoke to her—simply holding her hand and praying. She went in and out of that “stupor” for the next 3.5 months—until her passing on 9/1/07. We were never “real” close—as is often the case with middle children and their moms—1) due to the fact that we were separated during my first 4 weeks—Frances was hospitalized for the following year in a State Hospital .. She suffered for the rest of her 89 years from bi-polar disorder—many times living in alternating states of jubilation and severe depression. My caregivers ended up being my TANTA CLARA AND TANTA ANNA(widow) .. w/ my older sister PATSY surogating (she was 6 at the time) and being the “best Kid” mother a guy could ask for .. I miss Frances—Grandma Anna(passed in 83’) and Grandma Clara (she passed 40 years ago this July)... I’ll call my sister Patsy today ... I acted as an older surrogate for my 2 younger sistas—Karen and Claire—when mom would encounter ensuing “breakdowns”—until I left home for the “hippie/roadie/pseudo-warrior lifestyle” at age 17. I never really looked back—though—ironically—my sister Patsy and me .. offered the most stability (as reverse-role adult decision makers) to my parents during the last 10 years of their life (my dad - age 91 - passed on thesame day as Mick’s mom—1/14/08).. I ended up with the Florida property as a result..-go figure! .. SO HERE’S TO MOTHER’S AND MOTHER FIGURES EVERYWHERE...(guys—if u are in a hetero-relationship—your wife/girlfriend/lover—eventually replaces your mother—check out JUNG’S THEORY)—oh ... and HILLARY—AMERICA’S MOTHER OF ALL MOTHERS—IS CAMPAIGNING TODAY IN THE BIRTHPLACE OF “MOTHER’S DAY”—GRAFTON WEST VIRGINIA ----- a lil’ travelin’ music PLEASE ----- http://tinyurl.com/5t5pbt ----( IN HONOR OF E*V*E*—the world’s first mother !!) a MN GUY—GARY P did WOMAN --... use to see him on the road w/ THE DICK CLARK ROCK N’ ROLL CARAVANS--- and HMD TO HELGA AND RMJ !!!!! love ya!!
Posted by Richie from st james city/n ft myers FL/st cloud on 05/11 at 10:14 AMMichael—bless u and your mom—we were simul-typing/bloggin’ ... ps MY MOM was the neighborhood favorite—she cared for TIPPI HEDRIN—as a child—Tippi—of ALFRED HITCHCOCK fame—THE BIRDS—was from LAFAYETTE, MN ........ no foolin"” mother of MELANIE GRIFFITH ... Dick Clark’s wife is from ST CLOUD—small world !!!! bless women and mothers everywhere ..
Posted by Richie from st james city/n ft myers FL/st cloud on 05/11 at 10:22 AMHello Expendables. We’re heading out soon to be with Michele’s family today but I just wanted to say this: The comments above perfectly demonstrate why I love the Expendables. I deeply appreciate the sharing, support, and friendship.
All I say is thanks.
P.S. to Michael: I’m not sure what you’re apologizing for but consider yourself forgiven. I hope that means we’ll be seeing more of you here.
Posted by Mickey Z. from Astoria on 05/11 at 10:23 AMMichael-- I lost my mother who had breast cancer also. I remember shaking Bill Clinton’s hand back in ‘96 and thanking him for his promise to “wage a war” on breast cancer.
Live and learn. I found out several years later at a medical symposium how life-saving drugs were being held up at the FDA at the time.
Funny, I just remembered a story that my mother told me when I was only four or five. She told me about the little boy who was lost and how the whole town searched for his mother. They searched without success because the little boy had described his mother as “the most beautiful woman in the world”. She eventually turned out to be an ugly hag. My mother told me this story after I hugged her and told her how beautiful she was.
And she was.
Another Mother’s Day story:
http://tinyurl.com/48kjabPosted by Robert B. Livingston from San Francisco on 05/11 at 06:01 PMToday’s post reminds me of a Lou Reed record, 1992’s Magic and Loss.
When I wrote in on your mom’s passing MZ, I did mention ‘remember the good times.’ But it was nowhere near the ‘getting back to normal’ bit that you’re hearing, which is a symptom of the massive disconnect that plagues us. Such things set me on edge.
Someone who died far too young (49) from cancer was the surrogate mom who helped me through the rubble of my parents’ gruesome divorce. She went through treatment and had regained much of her former self, then took a turn and was suddenly gone. Shock draped the wake and funeral like toxic bunting. My bitter take was “This is completely wrong,” and that hasn’t changed.
Good to see a link on being childfree. The mention that Germany is intensely anti-family goes along with their anti-worker policies. A dear friend is former GDR and she has watched the reunited Germany hurtling backwards sociopolitically. ‘Old Europe’ indeed.
Posted by Zen Prole from Urth on 05/12 at 01:10 AMMy “brother-in-law’ starts chemo tomorrow morning. My wife is having surgery tomorrow as well. I don’t really have language for this. Nothing makes sense. Nothing is funny or interesting. I’ve spent the last week stunned. FUCK.
mb
Posted by Maxwell Black from Arlington VA on 05/12 at 01:15 AMHello Expendables...from a very rainy Astoria. Thanks, Robert, Zen, and Maxwell for adding to this excellent thread. I wish I had something useful to say to Maxwell, but all I have is “good luck.” If possible, please keep us informed.
Posted by Mickey Z. from Astoria on 05/12 at 06:04 AMGreetings to all…
Too many good comments here to digest all at once. About Mothers’ Day - I always believed that the “The Mother of the Year” should be a single mother or father who had NO support or help from anyone else.Hugs to Mickey and all others who openly show such love for their Mothers.
Maxwell...I recently spent 5 hours in a chemo clinic (not for myself, I was accompanying a loved one). It was a very sobering experience that I would not trade for anything. Sobering - but also uplifting to see so many good humored patients who were receiving good medical care. Many of them will be cured. Many of them would have died if they did not have the money or insurance for access to this exceptional clinic.
joe...the apple, plum, and pear blossoms are now reaching full peak. Mother nature is really showing off this year and I am enjoying every minute of it.
Posted by RMJ from Ward Churchill 4 Prez Hdqts on 05/12 at 01:50 PMVery sorry to hear about your difficult week, Maxwell....
say-- did you notice the links that popped up on Mickey Z’s Wikipedia article?
(Wonder how they got there?)
Lately-- between overwork and yes computer downtime (even on Linux-- I think it is my aging hardware; I have now switched to Elive)-- I have been having a close look at Matt Gonzalez’s Wikipedia article. It needs lots of work. (And I don’t like the photo at the top-- one I stuck on in desperation-- he needs a better photo! But as soon as they go up-- someone takes them down.)
So what have I done about it? Don’t ask-- but that hasn’t stopped me from diddling around elsewhere-- hopefully, doing a few good things.
Anyway… here’s hoping for second, even third and fourth chances-- even while Spring beckons with new hopes.
and, er, back to work!
Posted by Robert B. Livingston from San Francisco on 05/12 at 05:41 PMHello RMJ. How are you?
Thanks for the Wiki-help, Robert. It’s good to see that page somewhat accurate (although it’s missing so much).
Posted by Mickey Z. from Astoria on 05/12 at 06:11 PMMy parents are elderly - alive, thankfully for now healthy. I’m not looking forward to the day when they die. Hang in there.
Posted by Mahatma X (the artist formerly known as Dr. B) from Oklahoma U$A on 05/12 at 11:41 PMThank YOU so much for sharing your thoughts regarding grief and mourning with us, Mickey - and thanks for the non-Mother’s Day Shout: that goes down really well with this woman who is childless by choice. Like you, I think that 6 billion (and counting) miracles are quite enough.
Hello, Joe of Maine, JOS, David, Michael, richie, Robert B. Livingston, Maxwell Black, Zen Prole, Mahatma X (hope I haven’t forgotten anyone and Rosemarie.
My mother still clings to life - as my brother and my father tell me, her state of health has stabilised ‘on a low level’. I’m not looking forward to the day she’ll die either ..
Take care, all of you!
Posted by Helga Fremlin from Daylesford, Australia on 05/13 at 12:07 AMTwisted and disgusting. However, I agree in general that American Foreign policy needs to change. We should stop interferring with other countries in all ways. Including the billions we give in aid to poor countries. Cash and carry, we have food if you have cash. We have guns if you have cash. This is much the way France works, and I am sure you support their policies (how do you feel about the Foreign Legion?)
Without U.S. charity, millions would die. So let’s agree to be consistant. Non-interferrance in all foreign relations matters.Posted by Hubertus from Germany on 05/21 at 10:21 AMGreat article! Well written, this will surely come in handy.
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