Mickey Z
Cool Observer
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Buffed and ready for genocide
Alas, it’s Storytelling Saturday
Once upon a time...
Every day I tell myself I have to start taking a different route to the train station, but my mind just doesn’t function well when I’ve been jarred from my sleep by an annoying alarm. So, here I am, once again inhaling the worst that progress has to offer as I trudge the eleven or so blocks to the Astoria Blvd. station.
There’s a city-ism for you: blocks. Everything is measured in blocks. Everyone walks in right angles. The entire city contains 33,278 blocks and if you were to walk down every single one, you’d cover a distance of approximately 12,000 miles. For some perspective, 12,000 miles is the amount of ground one would traverse by walking from New York to Los Angeles and back...twice.
Anyway, the N/W line runs on an el while it’s in Queens and then enters a tunnel to delve in Manhattan and then Brooklyn. Below the el at the Astoria Boulevard Station is Columbus Square—which is shaped like a warped triangle. Let the big city have its rather simplistic circle, we in Queens are more geometrically sophisticated.
Naturally, a statue of Christopher Columbus adorns this triangular square. As if to mock my so-called career, Mr. Columbus has apparently been hanging with Barry Bonds...and if one were to believe this sculptor’s rendition, Chris spent plenty of time in the Santa Maria tennis and fitness club. This statue is pumped. He’s got biceps to die for and a set of pecs that are literally bursting out of his manly shirt.
Yes, Columbus is buffed and ready for genocide.
The inscription under the statue reads: “But not for Columbus, there would be no America.” As I stomp on those intolerable words with my dirt-infested shoes, I imagine the first conversation between Columbus and the Native Americans:
COLUMBUS: Red man, we want your land and everything on it.
INDIAN: Okay, muscular paleface, but what will you offer in return?
COLUMBUS: Venereal disease, small pox, the destruction of your culture, genocide, Christianity, and a really bad image in John Wayne flicks.
INDIAN: Can you toss in a few casinos?
COLUMBUS: Sure, but you’ll have to wait about 500 years.
INDIAN: Okay, Chris, you’ve got a deal.
With that conversation in mind, I ascend the stairs to the train…
(Post your story in the comments section)
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Are you ready for the Hitler Cats?
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Bob Dylan sez:
“Democracy don’t rule the world, You’d better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence. But I guess that’s better left unsaid.”
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P.S. June is International Expendable Writing Month. One week to go…
Copyright © 2005-2007 Mickey Z.
