Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Top Ten Ways to Deal with Potential Rapist/Attacker

1. Pray and/or meditate
2. Kick his balls up into his goddamned throat
3. Chalk it up to bad karma
4. Recognize that he is a human and tell him that you love him
5. Spray mace in his face and then kick his balls up into his goddamned throat

6. Blame patriarchy and/or gangsta rap
7. Ask yourself: What would Gandhi/Dalai Lama/Jesus do?
8. Try to remember that excellent saying about non-violence you got from your Pilates teacher
9. Blame the Republicans
10. Look down to draw his attention in that direction and promptly whip out a finger jab to his eyes. When he brings his hands up (too late) to protect himself, kick his balls up into his goddamned throat...doubling him over. Follow-up by grabbing him by the hair and bringing his face down into a powerful knee blow...and then get the fuck out of there as fast as you can.

Any other suggestions?

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Posted on 01/02 at 05:16 AM
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