Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Vinny's Toyota

Years ago, I had a friend, Vinny...he was a wizard with his car. I don’t mean fixing it; I mean driving it.

Vinny could drive his car backwards better than most people drive forward. And he did so with immense pride. But here’s the catch: he wouldn’t drive backwards in the wrong direction. Vinny would drive along with all the other cars in the same direction as them…only backwards. This was a major league mindfuck for anyone on the road with him.

He’d get us in his Toyota…me in the front with him, Frank and Pasquale in the back. Vinny would instruct us to sit straight and look forward as if we were doing nothing unusual. He would ever-so-slightly turn his head and sometimes only use the rearview mirror.

The best would be when we stopped at a red light with a car in front of us and behind us. We’d be facing the wrong direction but going in the right direction and people were puzzled.

One more Vinny rule: do not laugh or act differently than you would on any other drive. Amazingly, we could pass an entire night doing this.

Vinny’s driving magic did not end there. He perfected the ability to sit in the passenger seat and still drive his car. His left hand would covertly hold the bottom of the steering wheel as his left leg stretched over to manipulate the pedals.

The first time I saw him, he was turning the corner on my block and I did a genuine, silent-movie caliber double take. People were freaking and he had this incredible gift to act as if all was normal. He waved to me and drove past as Charlie the Porter mumbled something about “cruise control.” I must have laughed for twenty minutes.

The next step was to add passengers. Vinny would get me and Frank in the back seat and cruise through Astoria. He’d have the radio blasting with his right hand out the window, fingers snapping. The responses along crowded Ditmars Boulevard were priceless...indelibly etched in my mind. Vinny loved this game so much that he’d do it alone if he some errands to run.

He could maneuver that Toyota like it was a toy. Headed to Rocco’s for a slice one night, Vinny swung into a u-turn in front of the pizza place. However, he didn’t come out of the u-turn. Instead, he drove his beat-up Toyota in tight circles until people came out to watch. He’d stop after a few circles and ask someone where Rocco’s was and then start circling again. Finally, he stopped, parked, and loudly announced: “Damn, I drove in circles to find this place.”

His performance earned us each a free slice.

Posted on 04/20 at 04:21 AM
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