Saturday, December 23, 2006

You saw Mommy doing WHAT with Santa?


(Storytelling Saturday sings Santa songs)

Once upon a time...

I was sitting on a Manhattan-bound N train when a homeless man entered my car and started to sing in a monotone voice. I’ve seen him before and it’s interesting to note that he sings not as a precursor to requesting money. He sings because he seems to enjoy it. This being the “holiday season,” his song of choice was somewhat predictable: “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” For the first time in my life, I decided to pay close attention to the words.

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night

Of course, it’s possible that “Mommy” is a single woman but the early implication in this song is that she clearly is not. One thing is certain: Mommy doesn’t seem overly concerned about her kids catching her as she busts a move right in the middle of the living room.

She didn’t see me creep down the stairs to have a peep
She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep

Why would she assume such a thing on Christmas Eve? Kids are notoriously trying to stay awake in the hope of catching a glimpse of this mysterious Santa. Every Mommy knows that.

Then I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white

Kinky. Let’s see: We’ve got potential adultery or at least a cuckold situation. Toss in some discomforting exhibitionism and voyeurism...and now a tickling fetish? The plot thickens…

Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night

Here’s where it really gets weird. How old is this kid and why would she/he want Mommy to get busted in the middle of hooking up? Perhaps the kid thinks Mommy has had it coming for a long time or maybe she/he has issues with Daddy and would genuinely get a chuckle out of seeing him walk in to find his wife playing tonsil hockey with a fat old man in a red jumpsuit. Either way, it’s demonstrates an awfully sadistic mean streak for such a young child.

The always reliable Wikipedia (insert laugh track here) claims that the song’s “secret” is this: the kid is really witnessing Mommy kissing Daddy while Daddy wears a Santa suit. Well, since the kids are assumed “fast asleep,” why would Daddy bother dressing up? Hmm...I think you can add some roleplay to the already sordid mix.

The End

Who wants to tell us a story in the comments section?

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Head’s Up: Michele and I are leaving later today to spend a week in Texas with my family...and give some much-needed comfort to my Mom. I’ll be checking in here regularly and perhaps making a few posts so I hope the Expendables will continue to gather in my absence.


I’ll be back...

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Posted on 12/23 at 07:06 AM
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